K-Town Shizzle

I Stole this from Bob Sturm

2006-10-19T19:22:00.000-05:00

I completely saw this and stole it from Bob Sturm's blog. David Blaine parody:

I Want The Gold

2006-10-07T06:40:00.000-05:00

The afternoon drive guys on the Ticket play this clip in the show open quite often, and I've always thought it to be very funny. Just watch.

Octopus Eats Shark

2006-09-28T21:35:00.000-05:00

Okay, this is pretty awesome: Octopus Eats Shark. Really, that's what this is.

Conan O'Brien - Walker Texas Ranger Clips

2006-09-19T21:41:00.000-05:00

Laughed out loud here.

Conan O'Brien Plays 1864 Baseball

2006-09-19T21:30:00.000-05:00

I stole this from another website, but I don't care it's funny.

Mike V. and Other Stuff

2006-09-17T09:47:00.000-05:00

For the love of all that is good with this world, Mike V. has updated his website. Pleeease watch the video on the front page, you will never understand his Chris-Chris attitude unless you watch this. He actually took the time to hire his own camera crew, photographer, and wardrobe person to accomplish this. I'm surprised the Cowboys let him into the stadium.

I have also done what was requested and posted the 2006 Shizzle pictures along with links to their websites, or at least what I believe to be their websites (just click on their picture). Let me know if anyone wants a different picture or a different website, won't be an issue to change.

Go Cowboys. . .

"Get ya popcorn ready!"

2006-09-15T16:53:00.000-05:00

A certain Dallas Cowboys receiver will be running to the star this weekend.

Reliving the Jags Game

2006-09-13T20:29:00.000-05:00

I really don't think there's anyone on the internet that goes to the trouble of reviewing game tape for each and every position. Oh, wait, there's this guy and he said that Flozell and Rivera and Columbo had the worst games (that's 3 of 5). Here's the offense. Here's the defense.

Does anyone else think that it bothers Greggy to no end to hear Ryan bag on Aikman? Granted, I too think that Aikman feels like he has to be so far on the other side on a Cowboys game that he may be anti-Cowboys. I did notice that Greggo held his tongue, but we were also losing and it was not the time to bring this up.

2006 Shizzle Chick CHAMPION

2006-09-11T16:10:00.000-05:00

Well, it's been a long hard fought tournament. There have been highs and lows. Ups and downs. And rubbing, upon rubbing, upon more rubbing. Either one of these women would have been well deserving of the honor of the 2006 Shizzle Chick Champion.

But that's why they play the games!

So, without further adieu, your 2006 K-Town Shizzle Chick Champion.

Stacey Keibler

Pup, you need to somehow get her picture and name over in one of the columns at the top of the page. She deserves to be put on a pedestal until someone knocks her off.

Shizzle Chick 2006 CHAMPIONSHIP

2006-09-07T09:46:00.000-05:00

It's been a long, hard fought battle. There have been some good matchups, and some not so good ones. But one thing is for sure....

Pants have been flying for weeks now!

I'm a little upset that Alessandra didn't get to even the Elite 8, but we always have next year. And I think that this may have worked out anyway. We have two very qualified candidates here in the championship.

First, the Dark Angel herself Jessica Alba. She is definately a good and deserving of a championship birth. With her beautiful girl next door look and ass that goes on for days, you just might be looking at the 2006 Shiz representative here.

But her competition is stout. Stacey Keibler stole our hearts and woodies with her swan like dance moves on Dancing With The Stars. Her 42" legs have vaulted her to the top of her class. She too has a down home country girl feel to her, and an ass that goes on for weeks. This should be fun.

VOTE CAREFULLY! THIS GIRL WILL REPRESENT THE SHIZZLE FOR THE NEXT 360 DAYS!

2006 Shizzle Chick CHAMPIONSHIP

7. Jessica Alba

VS. 14. Stacey Keibler

Vandera;fdljska

2006-09-05T21:53:00.000-05:00

Funny Vanderafjd;slky article.

Shizzle Chick 2006 - FINAL 4

2006-09-05T16:22:00.000-05:00

You guys WAY overrate Naomi Watts. Not that great man, not that great. So I'm matching her up against Keibler. If either of you vote Watts in this matchup our friendship will come to a screeching hault. And oh how this worked out for Stetty in this other matchup. MM has her work cut out for her against Alba who at this point is my numero uno. Since you idiots got rid of Alessandra Ambrosio, the hottest brunette on the planet with the exception of Kate Beckinsale.

I guess the bottom line is we got what we wanted. Four very qualified candidates who would represent the Shizzle in a very hard, dirty way. Just the way we like it.

Here is your Final 4:

The 2006 East Regional Champion- 10. Naomi Watts

vs. The 2006 West Regional Champion-14. Stacey Keibler

AND The 2006 South Regional Champion- 13. Marisa Miller (BS)

vs. The 2006 North Regional Champion- 7. Jessica Alba

hey little champion.

Shiz Chick 2006 Elite 8

2006-09-01T09:21:00.000-05:00

Your MM argument, though valid, does not work with me. Ping pong balls Waterseal, ping pong balls.

Here is your Elite 8. Please carefully analyze each position and treat them as you would me. Oh the fantasies running through my little Stetty brain.

Elite 8 Match-Ups:

14. Heidi Klum vs. 10. Naomi Watts

15. Kate Beckinsale vs. 14. Stacey Keibler

16. Shakira vs. 13. Marisa Miller

7. Jessica Alba vs. 4. Keira Knightley

Marisa Miller

2006-08-31T17:22:00.000-05:00

Yes, I do realize what I've done. There's nothing like MM, NOTHING. AA's loss is our gain.

"Do you realize what you've done?"

2006-08-31T16:14:00.000-05:00

Quick, throw some salt over your right shoulder....

Better yet, fill a syringe with black tar heroin and insert the needle straight into your corotid. It would be a lot quicker than the agony I am feeling at the moment.

A look back at what could have been...

I hope you guys are proud of yourselves. You have to live with this, not me.

Shizzle Chick 2006 Sweet 16

2006-08-29T10:26:00.000-05:00

Let me start by saying how disappointed I am in the both of you. The fact that Allessandra Ambrosio can't even make it to the Sweet 16 is an absolute joke. That in itself has ruined this for me. And I have both of you to thank. Idiots.

PLEASE VOTE BELOW IN THE COMMENTS BOX BELOW THE POST!

VOTING ENDS WHEN I SAY IT DOES!

Sweet 16 Match-ups:

1. Jaime Presley vs. 14. Heidi Klum

10. Naomi Watts vs. 12. Sienna Miller

9. Adrianna Lima vs. 15. Kate Beckinsale

11. Vanessa Marcil vs. 14. Stacey Keibler

5. Rachel Bilson vs. 16. Shakira

10. Sofia Vergara vs. 13. Marisa Miller

2. Elisha Cuthbert vs. 7. Jessica Alba

4. Keira Knightley vs. 5. Kate Bosworth

Shizzle Chick 2006/ Second Round Voting

2006-08-25T14:26:00.000-05:00

Seeds didn't matter in the first round, but they do now. Voting is the same.

PLEASE VOTE IN THE COMMENTS BOX BELOW THIS ENTRY

ALL VOTING ENDS WHEN I SAY IT DOES!

West Division:

1. Scarlett Johansson vs. 15. Kate Beckinsale

4. Molly Sims vs. 14. Stacey Keibler

6. Elsa Benitez vs. 11. Vanessa Marcil

7. Gisele Bundchen vs. 9. Adrianna Lima (VS pillow fight)

East Division:

1. Jaime Presley vs. 15. Jessica Beil

3. Faith Hill vs. 14. Heidi Klum

5. Amanda Bynes vs. 12. Sienna Miller

7. Katherine Heigl vs. 10. Naomi Watts

South Division:

1. Pam Anderson vs. 16. Shakira

3. Alessandra Ambrosio vs. 13. Marisa Miller (another VS pillow fight)

5. Rachel Bilson vs. 12. Rebecca Romijn-Stamos

8. Mandy Moore vs. 10. Sofia Vergara

North Division:

2. Elisha Cuthbert vs. 15. Nadine Velasquez

4. Keira Knightley vs. 14. Ashley Simpson

5. Kate Bosworth vs. 11. Angelina Jolie

7. Jessica Alba vs. 9. Kelly Monaco

VOTE WISELY. THERE WERE MANY MISTAKES THE FIRST TIME.

Honorable Mention (1st Round)

2006-08-25T12:41:00.000-05:00

I think you guys got some of these wrong, but who am I? Some of the matchups may have been tough but thats just life. You run into first round opponents sometimes that are capable of the cinderella playoff run. And that has happened her in many cases.

Some of the women that will not be moving on in the Sizzle Chick 2006 tournament:

Carmen Electra (which admit it, will forever make all of your pants go crazy. this is an absolute shame.)
Jennifer Aniston
Charlize Theron (victim of a tough match-up I guess.)
Jessica Simpson
Beyonce
Petra Nemcova
Halle Berry
Natalie Portman
Eva Longoria (Maxim's #1 the past two years)
J. Lo
Christina Milian
...and many more

A round of applause for a wonderful effort! Better luck next year!

Shizzle Chick '06 North Division

2006-08-23T10:59:00.000-05:00

VOTING FOR ALL DIVISIONS ENDS 8/28!

PLEASE VOTE IN THE COMMENTS BOX BELOW EACH POST.

1. Denise Richards vs. 2. Elisha Cuthbert

3. Eva Mendez vs. 4. Keira Knight

5. Kate Bosworth vs. 6. Shania Twain

7. Jessica Alba vs. 8. Josie Moran

9. Kelly Monaco vs. 10. Cobie Smulders

11. Angelina Jolie vs. 12. Eva Longoria

13. Jessica Simpson vs. 14. Ashley Simpson

15. Nadine Velasquez vs. 16. Charisma Carpenter

Shizzle Chick '06 South Division

2006-08-23T10:51:00.000-05:00

VOTING FOR ALL DIVISIONS ENDS 8/28!

PLEASE VOTE IN THE COMMENTS BOX BELOW EACH ENTRY.

1. Pamela Anderson vs. 2. Gabrielle Union

3. Alessandra Ambrosio vs. 4. Hilary Duff

5. Rachel Bilson vs. 6. Jennifer Garner

7. Jennifer Esposito vs. 8. Mandy Moore

9. Bridget Moynahan vs. 10. Sofia Vergara

11. Evangeline Lilly vs. 12. Rebecca Romijn-Stamos

13. Marisa Miller vs. 14. Petra Nemcova

15. Natalie Portman vs. 16. Shakira

Shizzle Chick '06 East Division

2006-08-23T10:36:00.000-05:00

VOTING FOR ALL DIVISIONS ENDS 8/28!

PLEASE VOTE IN THE COMMENTS BOX BELOW.

1. Jamie Presley vs. 2. J Lo

3. Faith Hill vs. 4. Christina Millian

5. Amanda Bynes vs. 6. Heather Graham

7. Katherine Heigl vs. 8. Megan Fox

9. Salma Hayek vs. 10. Naomi Watts

11. Carmen Electra vs. 12. Sienna Miller

13. Halle Barry vs. 14. Heidi Klum

15. Jessica Biel vs. 16. Charlize Theron

Shizzle Chick '06 West Division

2006-08-18T15:02:00.000-05:00

VOTING FOR ALL DIVISIONS ENDS 2/28!

With football season right around the corner and the greatness of fantasy football waiting in the wings, I am once again hard up to get the K-town Shizzle Chick 2006 voting started. I am taking it upon myself to set up the matchups. This will be a field of 64 with the West division starting out the festivities. No seeds are necessary at this point, just beach towels.

PLEASE VOTE IN THE COMMENTS BOX (until bloggy blogerton/Puppy shows me how to do the little multiple choice box:

West Division bracket matchups:

1. Scarlett Johansson vs. 2. Leann Tweeden

3. Ciara vs. 4. Molly Sims

5. Diane Lane vs. 6. Elsa Benitez

7. Gisele Bundchen vs. 8. Jennifer Love Hewitt

9. Adrianna Lima vs. 10. Catherine Zeta Jones

11. Vanessa Marcil vs. 12. Jennifer Aniston

13. Lindsay Lohan vs. 14. Stacey Keibler

15. Kate Beckinsale vs. 16. Beyonce

FRIGGIN BLOGGER SUCKS. I HAVE SUCH A PROBLEM POSTING PHOTOS.

ALL THE FRIGGIN TIME!!!!

World record trampoline slam dunk

2006-08-16T19:57:00.000-05:00

This is fairly awesome.

Hat Dilemma

2006-08-13T08:09:00.000-05:00

Future Cowboys quarterback? Bill has a serious man-crush on Romo and I guess I'm okay with that so long as he plays like he did last night.
I know I'm going to get this hat, but now I'm torn. I have certain rules regarding my sports allegiance. For instance, I know that I cannot purchase another college hat other that a University of Tulsa hat (I know that Greggo wants me to decide on one or the other, but when you've paid as much in tuition, then I feel like I have the honor of having two schools to root for). I'd like to get this Chicago Cubs hat, but I know that in reality, I must purchase this Texas Rangers hat. My sports rooting rules tell me that I cannot purchase any team items unless I've lived in that city, and I've never lived in Chicago. I've checked all of this site for another option and I could get this hat, or this hat or this one. I guess my main question is, should I pay attention to my own stupid rules, or say to myself that rules were made to be broken and I can do what I damn well please? Answer in the comments.

Cowboys win 13-3 and Blogging the Boys has some good stuff.

Finally, some Jeremiah Ontario stuff. Please listen because it's really funny stuff, listen as Jeremiah and Bill interact and Bill is a nocturnal hunter:

powered by ODEO

Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders Part II

2006-08-10T09:29:00.000-05:00

I can't stay away...

By the way, I don't know if anyone ever heard the story of Worm and that girl Megan when he was at Eastfield? Anyway, it was when Greggy was playing baseball. There was this girl named Megan that he was absolutely in love with and having a lot of trouble asking her out. Mainly because his car's "wires were F'd up" and it held water in the back. Long story short, she is now a DCC. Did Nasty miss an opportunity here or would she have given him the time of day?

Either way, here she is in this first photo. We'll always talk about the ones that got away....

I've got more but blogger is acting up again. Will add later. This isn't even enough for a full week of naughtiness.

Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders (Pre-Season)

2006-08-04T11:31:00.000-05:00

Rub it RAW!!!

Jeremiah Onterio

2006-08-03T21:52:00.000-05:00

For the love of all that is good, I pray that our dear friend T-Storm will listen to this from The Ticket. Jeremiah Onterio is one of the funniest bits ever. For everone that is not a Thunder Storm, please listen anyway.

EDIT: I've had to take this down b/c it was going in very slow motion, but when it's posted, I'll post it here.

Ricky Bobby Fears the Fupa

2006-07-30T20:23:00.000-05:00

I get the Sporting News each week and this week there's an article written by the fictional character, Ricky Bobby. I encourage each and every one of you to work these into your conversation. Here are some outsanding quotes:

"I wake up every morning and take a long piss of excellence."

"I vomit victory and crap desire."

"It's the fastest that gets paid and it's the fastest that gets laid."

On his wife: "She's hotter than eating 10,000 packs of Big Red all at once. If you rate her butt on a scale of 100, it's easily a 94. Her butt is so hot it made a plane fall out of the sky and caused fatal traffic accidents - which was great because Hank and all the guys at McReedy Funeral Homes do such a terrific job."

"Me and my smoking hot wife have two boys, Walker and Texas Ranger, and they're winners, just like Ricky Bobby. If we wanted two losers, we would've named them Doctor Quinn and Medicine Woman."

"Me and Call call ourselves Shake and Bake. Growing up together, me and Call always thought of duo nicknames, like Peanut Butter and Jelly, and Farts and Matches, but nobody really wanted to be Farts. So Shake and Bake was by far the coolest."

If you want daily updates by someone not a reporter, a true fan of the game then please go to Bogging the Boys. It is the best information on the Cowboys on the internet, the guy is truly dedicated, he's in Cali right now and attending camp for each and every one of you.

Dave Chappelle - Prince plays basketball

2006-07-30T16:30:00.000-05:00

I remember this being so funny when I saw it. Good times.

2006 Fantasy Football Salaries - Fo Real

2006-07-22T00:30:00.000-05:00

Okay, I realize that the other website didn't work, but you shouldn't have any problem viewing and downloading all of these salaries.

Fantasy football question of the day: who gets more playing time this year? Cedric Benson or Thomas Jones. Discuss

Ed Carter's Sportsline

2006-07-20T22:14:00.000-05:00

This made me spit my toothpaste out this morning on the 6:40 a.m. replay. Funny stuff.

powered by ODEO

Air Piano

2006-07-17T14:13:00.000-05:00

I don't know how this could be any better. It's basically one of the greatest things I've ever had the pleasure of viewing. Journey in Latin actually translates to "Genius".

Question: Name the five guys on planet Earth with the most regret for past decisions.

Answer:

JOHN J.

2006-07-13T00:20:00.000-05:00

Figured I'd enlighten yall with a blog I wrote some months ago, enjoy:

Was there a decade better than the 80’s? Simple Answer: No Dramatic Answer: Hell No. One might ask, how can I be so sure??? There is only one answer to this question, an answer that you should know, an answer that many dead people are fully aware of, an answer that strikes fear into the hearts of men like Chuck Norris, He-Man, Optimus Prime, and Russian steroid abusing boxers, that answer, and the correct answer to any question ever asked on this planet and in this universe forever and all time, is JOHN J. RAMBO.
To be honest, I don’t feel comfortable typing the five letters that comprise this man’s name. Am I worthy to even type his name? I don’t know, REALLY, I don’t know, BUT, I will know, very shortly when I get up from this couch. Scenario #1 – I get up and walk down to my room like any other night and pass out, incident free. Scenario #2 – I get up from the couch and on my way around the coffee table I snap an invisible trip wire that triggers a hand made primitive wooden spike mechanism that swings around and penetrates deep into my upper thigh causing me to scream in unbearable I’m an 8 year old girl and just fell off my Care Bear bicycle pain and fall to the ground in a bloody mess and wait for death. I’d imagine the last words I’d hear would be JOHN J. standing over me saying “They drew first blood, not me”.
I came home tonight after a long day of drinking and attempting to make eye contact with women who don’t realize how awesome I am, only to find the best surprise any man could possibly imagine, a tivo’d RAMBO - FIRST BLOOD. The pure genius of this movie is not limited to the compelling and powerful acting performance by that of Sylvester Stallone, NO, it’s the entire package, the acting, the storyline, the small town, the soundtrack, the Nam flashbacks, the Colonel Troutman. I don’t have the words to relay how I feel about this movie, except one – RAMBO! If you haven’t seen this movie a hundred million times, stop reading this, go take your panties out of the dryer, and wait for JOHN J. to roll up on your fairy ass, because he will……..he will.
My TV summarizes the plot as follows, “Green Beret veteran Rambo takes on a Pacific Northwest sheriff and the National Guard”, probably the worst summary ever given a film of this magnitude in the history of the word “summary”. The real summary, as I would have written it, would be, “Do NOT Fuck with Rambo, or even anyone who resembles Rambo, because it might actually be Rambo, and then you’re fucked either way, so it’s better to be safe than sorry”
As I watch this movie, with a hard-on, I feel sorry for Brian Dennehy (the Sheriff) with every passing minute. The guy just makes one horribly wrong decision after another. Okay, you fucked with the wrong drifter, your deputy’s ruffed him up a little, he went crazy Nam flashback on your ass and escaped the most elaborate small town detention facility known to man, and now he’s running around the countryside in a potato sack poncho with a sweet Pat Benetar burlap headband and a knife the size of a Prius stuffed in his pants. Pretty standard Monday right? On top of that, your boy back in the station radios in that this Rambo character was a Congressional Medal of Honor winning Green Beret. What do we do now Sheriff??? I know, it’s a no-brainer, you grab five deputy’s and call in the civilian chopper to flush that bastard outta there!!! How this plan didn’t work is really beyond my understanding, but even then, after John J. gives the boys a run through the Vietnam obstacle course, he gives the Sheriff – Will, one last chance to cut and run. Obviously he does this by pinning him up against a tree with a giant knife to his throat and the phrase, “Don’t push it, I’ll give you a war you won’t believe”. Now I can’t be exactly sure what was in Sheriff Will’s pants at this point, but I know I was only watching it from my comfy couch, and there was shit in my pants.

Many things happen in the remaining greatness of this movie, the main points being:

Colonel Troutman shows up outta nowhere to give the Sheriff’s department additional warnings of their fate, mainly – “I didn’t come here to rescue Rambo from you, I came here to rescue you from him”.

Rambo spears a wild hog that happens to walk directly underneath the tree he’s hiding in. (this is pretty Hollywood here, wild pigs are rather difficult to pattern in an 8 hour period, but then again, it’s Rambo, and his musk by itself probably attracts all kinds of wild beasts)

Rambo finds a convenient abandoned mining shaft to camp out in.

Col Troutman lures Rambo into breaking radio silence, thus giving away his position, which the National Guard quickly takes advantage of with an RPG down the shoot of Rambo’s cave.

Rambo escapes.

Rambo destroys the entire town by himself with minimal effort.

Rambo scores revenge with Will, The Captain of the Idiot Brigade.

& Finally, Rambo breaks down in front of Troutman, and spills all the war memories that he’s been dying to get off his chest. Mainly, the booby trapped shoe-shine box story (oldest trick in the book), and the “we were supposed to cruise the Vegas strip until the wheels fell off my buddy’s Caddie when we got back” story, but he’s dead, and no one appreciates me now.

All in all, this is the best movie ever made, ever. On a Ten Giant Knife Scale, I give it Ten Billion Giant Knives Up…….and One Million Severed Via-Cong Thumbs Up. AND, until you start carrying fishing line around in a secret compartment in your ginormous knife to stitch up your lacerations by yourself in the woods, you should too.

Cowboys, Cowboys, Cowboys

2006-07-12T20:15:00.000-05:00

I can only hope that Greg Buckner does a lot more of this next season. I for one didn't really care for Mike James, but signing an athletic shooting guard who can guard and occasionally shoot the three and take playing time away from Stackhouse? Hell yeah. (picture courtesy of Maverick Moneyball).

For those of you who are not reading Blogging the Boys here' s a short run-down of what they're writing about:

1. Troy Aikman talks here.

2. Charlie Waters admits to using steroids.

3. On August 5th Troy's going into the Hall of Fame. Think about that for a minute.

4. Training camp is literally 2 weeks away and Blogging the Boys will be there commenting on every practice that he's allowed to watch.

Good Strong FF

2006-07-12T14:52:00.000-05:00

Dude, I can't tell you how happy I am that this time of year is coming up again. Do you realize that we are only 31 days from the first pre-season game? Wonderful.

And let the pre-draft head games begin. I love everyone trying to keep hush hush on players who they think just might slide to them. The sleeper picks that go angrily arye (sp). And the two people every year who go over the salary cap and we have to bog down the draft for three hours at a round table to figure out how we are going to resolve it. What a great time of the year! Too bad Seal can't be involved in this, he would really enjoy it.

Or can he...? We could just kick the last place person out every year and bring in someone else? I don't really care because I always win either points or record so it wouldn't affect me.

Work hard on your roster Pup. I know you were hit by the injury bug last year. Makes for a sucky year.

Some of the Cowboys off season aquisitions:

Miss You Boys

2006-07-11T15:55:00.000-05:00

Fantasy Football Salaries

2006-07-08T11:05:00.000-05:00

I was a little bored this morning and I've put the fantasy football salaries on a web-based spreadsheet. In other words, all you have to do is click HERE and you'll be able to print the salaries. You can also copy and paste them into your own Excel spreadsheet for your own personal use. I must be from Awesome Town. No excuses. Good times.

Where To Begin?

2006-07-08T00:11:00.000-05:00

It seems that a lot of what's been posted recently has little to no content, so I thought that since I was up late on a Friday night I would add a little something to the blog.

1. For those of you who play fantasy football in the Kaufman league, the salaries are posted and they can be viewed here. Yes, it's that time of year. We need to begin thinking about a date for the draft. If I'm reading the schedule correctly, the year begins on September 7th.

I also believe there is no doubt that Chris will draft Phillip Rivers as his quarterback. He's had a crush on him for quite a while, and I believe that he's looking for Sir Phillip to be his Carson Palmer.

2. Mavs Offseason: I know that everyone is beaten down by the horrible finals defeat, however, I believe that the Mavs are making some nice moves. I really liked the drafting of Ager, I think he's exactly what we need and I believe I pointed this out in a previous post. I'm glad we got rid of that rocket-launcher KVH and I too am with Hetty, the sooner we package Croshere and Stackhouse for a big contract (i.e. Paul Pierce, Jason Richardson) then we'll all be better off, off.

You can follow the Mav's summer league here and here.

3. Jessica Beil: I really need for The Storm to hook up with her. She's so choice, and since he has the means then I would highly recommend her. How many girls throw the football with such great form. I know that this has to get Greggo going.

4. I also thought I should get some Cowboy colors going up in here. I believe it's only 19 or 20 days until training camp. Let me know if you have any suggestions or criticisms.

GMJ Catch

2006-07-05T17:15:00.000-05:00

Done.

I Need Video Pup

2006-07-05T08:51:00.000-05:00

Hey man, see if you can get the GMJ catch on video and post it up here for the world to see. I'm not as well versed in the "video" realm as you are. Make it happen. Everyone in the world needs to see that the best catch ever made in MLB was made by a TEXAS RANGER!!!

Vacation

2006-06-28T22:48:00.000-05:00

I'm on vacation and this is all I've got. By the way, I would suggest that you view this in the privacy of your own home and is probably not safe for work.

Love you all.

Why Turkey Will NEVER Beat Brazil

2006-06-28T21:08:00.000-05:00

DIRK

2006-06-22T20:58:00.000-05:00

Viva Futbol! By "Viva" I mean "Long Live" and by "Futbol" I mean "Soccer".

2006-06-20T16:05:00.000-05:00

Stackhouse's Line/ Game 4

2006-06-16T10:09:00.000-05:00

THIS JUST IN: STACK GETS SUSPENDED FOR GAME 5. HELLO WIN COLUMN!!!!

Minutes Played: 30:00
Field Goals: 6
Field Goal Attempts: 18, making it 33%
3 Pointers Made: 1
3 Point Attempts: 5, making it 20% (SEAL could do that)
Fouls: 1
Steals: 1
Blocks: 1

MISSED DUNKS: 1, AGAIN!!!!!

Die.

Stackhouse's Line

2006-06-14T09:01:00.000-05:00

Minutes played: 31:26
Field Goals: 1-9
Three Pointers: 0-1
Total Points: 4
Total Rebounds: 1
Total Assists: 1
Total Dunks Missed: 1
Fouls: 2 offensive, 2
Times he whined like a little bitch after committing a stupid offensive foul that put a hold on any run the Mavericks may be capable of making while allowing Posey to look like the NBA defensive player of the year: 2

"Wade Just A Sec"

That's the headline on the Dallas Morning News sports page since I take it you don't get it delivered to Hermosa Beach.

Look, Lets not do this SEAL. We are both renowned members of the infamous "Four Horsemen". We know when to cheer, when not to cheer. When to bitch at Stack for a missed dunk and when not to. My broom comments were made strickly to get my point across. We are the dominant team in this series. We won the NBA title when Dirk took JD to the hole for a wicked 3 point play in game 7 against SA. I called Mavs in 5. I thought they would lay an egg in game 3 and it looked like I was a genius at first. But when they went up by 13 in the 4th, it was no longer an egg. They blew a great chance to end the series last night. And yes, Wade is a great player but he got some really uncontested looks last night late. It's a shame that we wasted a great game by Damp. But this is what the Mavs do. They will get a late lead, put it on cruise control and get caught sometimes. I think the loss is good because it will shift the focus for game 5, but I don't think it's good the way it happened just because of the shear fact of momentum.

There is no jinx, and no bad blood between you and I. We all have our opinions. If anything, the jinx came when the City of Dallas announced the parade routes the other day. I am enjoying this thing as much as the rest of you. I didn't break out the shirt last night because I felt that I didn't need to, but I was wrong. I think if I would have, the Mavs would have pulled it out so I put this loss solely on Stetty. And I apologize for that. But do any of you really doubt what is going to happen in this series? Did Miami winning last night change any of your minds? Not mine.

I have seen the Waterseal. I am a Sealitness.

27 Years

2006-06-13T17:16:00.000-05:00

The year was 1979, a year with sooooo much accomplishment, my little Seal fingers are shaking just reminiscing. A year that saw the beginnings of the Dallas Mavericks and also one of the most violent T-Storms ever recorded. Bursting on to the Texas prairies of Plano was a superstar like none other, a ThunderStar-m if you will. Since our creation, the Mav’s and the TStorm have been as one, dealing with life’s hardships in the only way we knew, by trial AND ERROR. The only difference between the two was that the Mav’s were allowed to make Coaching changes along the way; TStorm was not so lucky. Also unlucky for TStorm was that the other two players on his team took every opportunity available to torture and belittle him, still he persevered, not unlike the Mavericks after the Western Conf Finals of 1988.

27 Years……………27 Years, go ahead, say it out loud – 27 YEARS, a lifetime for some. My point is this: Hetty, I love you like I love weatherproof decking and sardine treats after a good flip through a hoop, but you need to calm down a bit, do not give into the dark side, feel the hate radiate away from you, put things into perspective. I don’t give a FUCK if Stackhouse stops at center court on a fast break and drops a steamer on the Mav’s logo. We’re in the fucking NBA Finals, the NBA Finals, motherfucker. Not only are we in it, but we’re up 2 games to none! I’ve been waiting for this since I was wetting and shitting the bed at the same time. I’ve been wearing all my shirts un-tucked for the last two weeks due to my constant erection. I don’t like looking at Stack’s grill anymore than the rest of the human race, but the motherfucker scores off the bench, and the other night, regardless of what kind of Bullet Bob side-of-the-backboard touch shots he threw up during his first appearance, the man hit three in a row from the JRT season ticket cheap-seats before half, one resulting in a four-pointer. (on a side note, that was the greatest run-on sentence ever) We Won, We Won, And We Won, that’s what I’m talking about.

Why can’t we just be so damned excited for the Mav’s and ourselves that we don’t have time to criticize our boys, we just drink beer and hang on every fucking second of the game? That’s what I do, and it’s been working to perfection. I mean there are so many things going on in my head during the games, that I don’t have time to logically think about what they’re doing wrong, I just scream like a small girl who dropped her ice cream every time we put the ball through the net! I think that’s what we should all be concentrating on right now. When we lose, then lets start chunkin spears at folks. For now though, lets enjoy watching Shaq shoot charity, b/c it is the most wonderful thing on the planet, seriously, I almost get more enjoyment out of watching him shoot from the line than I do watching JT pull up for 12 footers.

And another thing, Hetty mentioned something about “the brooms are being broken out”. What the FUCK Hetty??? Thanks for that, I’m gonna go walk under as many ladders as I can on the way out to the parking garage, maybe break my rear-view mirror on the way home, we’ll see what happens, you know what I’m saying, the curse of the Babe will never be broken.

SealStorm

Stackhouse=SuckAss

2006-06-12T13:42:00.000-05:00

There's been a lot made about my HATE for Stackhouse so I'm going to take this opportunity to justify my decision to beg for his death. Let me preface this by saying that this didn't happen by his shear level of play in the playoffs. This is a long going HATE that stems from his play in the regular season.

First off, it's always hard to sign a "starter" in this league and expect him to adapt to the 6th man role. Yes, he said all the right things in the media but no one in their right mind can just flip the switch and take on that change. Thus, he has an internal drive to become a starter again and I hate it. He puts way too much pressure on himself to be the "go to" guy and it hurts this team. He thinks he's something he's not, great. He's good, but not great. He'll never average his 30 points here like he did with his former team and he has to be ok with that. Stop forcing things, let your better scorers do the scoring when needed. Yes he does some good things, but he's always doing them to make up for bad moments just before. In my mind, that's a wash. We need someone who limits the mistakes but can still score. I guess that's what every team is looking for, but I just don't understand the Mavs nations fascination with this guy. He is NOT that great. And when Shaq bloodied his nose in Game 1, I found myself applauding ever so lightly. You'll notice that when he was taken out of the game, the Mavs went on a 7-0 run that created a pretty nice cushion. When he came back, they coughed up the lead within 2 minutes of game time. I'd love to see his +/- numbers. I think it would be very intriguing for those Stack lovers.

I also think that Avery fuels the fire. We run sets through Stackhouse a lot of the time which kills me. And I'm not talking about when he's on the floor and Dirks not. I'm talking about when they are playing together. Hey Stack, you can still pass to someone else even when the play is designed to start with you at the top of the key. That's ok to do when you have the scorers that we have. But for some reason, he lets his brain take over (which is not a good thing) and he becomes Michael Jordan on a playground created in his little Stack head. YOUR NOT THAT GOOD!!! But he sure wants to be. I'm sick and tired of it. And it's such a power drain to watch him come into the game and chew his gum ever so cockily. I'm putting out the call to all Mavs fans to burn his jerseys in protest.

Look, he had a decent game last night. But did you see how it started? The shot off the side of the backboard and then he really feels like he has to do something good. That's my whole "basketball cancellation theory". He is the prime example. I'm not calling to get rid of the guy unless we can pick someone else up who can score off the bench. And we're in the finals for gods sake. What's not to like about this team? I can see both sides. But if you get a chance (and there may only be two other chances to see this since the brooms are being broke out) watch Stackhouse for an extended period of time and you'll begin to see it. He also wants the ball at the end of games so he can get intentionally fouled and put at the line, thus padding his stats. I know you all see that.

Bottom Line: Die

WHINNY BITCH!!!!

Here are some pretty cool photos from the finals so far. Good times in Mav country.

I love seeing the concentration in his eyes. Thus the lovely FT percentage.

MAVS IN 5

2006-06-09T16:49:00.000-05:00

Game 1

2006-06-09T05:37:00.000-05:00

Game 1 Thoughts (yes, it's 5:45 in the morning):

Hubie Brown is creepie.

The high pick and roll really worked with Dampier when Shaq was on him, Shaq no longer has the mobility to keep up.

Dirk should get at least one shot per quarter, no matter the circumstances.

Free throws killed Miami, Captain Obvious.

Wade is the best player we've seen so far, or rather, the player with the most talent. But I thought he thought he should of gotten some calls and didn't seem to play as well once that happened.

Go Mavericks.

By the way, you can get that shirt at MavGear.

Big Gameday

2006-06-05T20:23:00.000-05:00

Diop it like it's HOT!

2006-06-05T11:49:00.000-05:00

As I told my good friend SEAL on Saturday night, "I want to floss my incisors with a Dirk Nowitzki hanging dingleberry butt hair. And then top it off with a quick chode lick".

YOU ARE AMERICA'S BEST, MAKE US PROUD!!!

Yogi the Pug

2006-06-02T22:22:00.000-05:00

This is a little cruel, but funny nonetheless. Yogi the pug has a broken tongue, possibly due to some sort of stroke this dog had as a puppy.

Great Cowboys news from today's mini-camp (via Blogging the Boys).

Yes, Steve Kerr is a part owner of the Suns (via Maverick Moneyball).

Dirk's greatness (via True Hoop).

Dirktastic

2006-06-02T06:13:00.000-05:00

So awsome. I love Dirk. I hate Timmy Thomas. Go Mavericks.

Michael We Miss You

2006-05-30T15:10:00.000-05:00

Cody We Miss You

2006-05-25T20:08:00.000-05:00

Does anyone think T-Storm is doing this right about now?

So many things. We seem to be having a problem with individuals putting a list of hot girls together. I know that we all have better things to do, but it's not that hard, you can email it to me, whatever you need.

Mavs: I've never been more proud as a sports fan than I was when the clocked ticked to zero in that Mav's overtime victory. I couldn't sleep for a couple of hours. Everything about it was genius. The problem is that this is short-lived and the Suns look tough. This is how my mind works. After the Mavs won, I couldn't go to sleep so, sometimes to help me put to sleep I try and rattle off as many starting NBA lineups as I can. When I first thought about Phoenix, I thought that there's no way that the Mavs can really match up with these guys. The guards, hopefully, are a push. Howard and Diaw or Marion. Dirk and Thomas or Diaw or Marion. Dampier? There is no place for him in this series. It would be a completely different story if Damp had a low post game where he could get guys into foul trouble, but that's not what he does. We've been told for a very long time that to beat the best you have to play "playoff" basketball. Now I fear that two plodding centers are going to ruin our shot at a championship.

Cowboys News:

This is a really good breakdown of the Cowboys 2 TE offense. Please read (courtesy of Blogging the Boys).

The Boys Blog talks about which players are ready for the Probowl and a really good discussion about the 3-4 defense.

This is funny every time I watch it:

I love all you guys, especially you.

2006-05-25T11:29:00.000-05:00

So, I've been vacationing in Australia for pretty much the whole of May and what do I find upon my return??? Hetty giving me shit for not participating in the shizzle. Well my friends, I'm back and I brought my witty banter with me (as well as insane intelligence and ridiculous good looks, but that's a given).
First off, I roll back into town Monday morning at 7am off a 14 hour flight and head straight to work, then realize the MAVS are rollin game 7 with the Shinny Horse Prodding Boot Attachments. I almost took my own life when Ginobiliassclownosauras hit that 3. Really, I was running towards the kitchen to grab a butter knife when my friend tackled me and reminded me of the time left and the greatness of the Dirk. He was right of course, and sweet victory was ours. I poured one out in remembrance of Sam Donaldson, Brad Davis, Rolondo, Derek Harper, Roy Tarpley, and a few others that night, I love you guys, don't ever change, ever, and don't tell anyone that I secretly want that cowboy hat back atop the Maverick's logo, throwback bitches!
tim duncan and tony parker are the glue that holds the word whinny together. duncan is turning into medusa for me, I feel like if I look at his face again, I'll turn to stone or something. The main point here is fuck that whole team, I hate them, I hate them so much it makes my face scrunch up in an unattractive way, and that's unlike me.
Anyway, the Saux River Weasel was fucking atrocious last night, that left hander under the basket falling over with the foul from JT was absurd. What the fuck was up with that offensive foul call on Devin Harris driving to the hole there towards the end?
I could go on and on, and I will, but this work thing frowns on that type of thing. More to come friends, all I can think about now is how picturing my top16 requires me to up two pants sizes.

Muddy Waters

2006-05-24T10:36:00.000-05:00

Spares

2006-05-16T21:40:00.000-05:00

Read what Spares fans are saying about the Spares:

Four Quarters, A Spurs Blog
Pounding the Rock

Shizzle Chick Explanation/ Top 16

2006-05-10T12:53:00.000-05:00

HERE IS THE RUNDOWN OF HOW THE 2006 K-TOWN SHIZZLE CHICK VOTING IS GOING TO WORK. THE FOLLOWING IS A RECENT EXPLANATION BY THE SEAL ON HOW WE NEED TO HANDLE IT. MY TOP 16 ARE AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS POST. PUPPY'S WAS A FEW POST AGO. DAN AND SEAL, GET CRACKIN.

SEAL Wrote:

Okay, we have everybody vote on their top 16 chicks from first to last. Then we score these groups all together based on their ranking in each committee members voting, thus the four girls with the lowest scores will be our number one seeds and the four girls with the next lowest scores will be our number two's, and so on. At the end of this we should have all our number 1 though number 4 seeds, which I believe are the most crucial. There will obviously be a bunch of girls that won't make it into the top 16 b/c everybody will not have the same girls in their top16 list, these girls will be dropped to the at large list, which I will now explain in the following paragraph.

In addition to the top 16 chicks ranking, everyone will also put out an at large list. It could be 20 more girls, it could be 48 girls, it could be 500 girls, whatever. We take all the girls listed and put them into an excel spreadsheet and give them a point everytime their name appears in a committee members at large list. At the end of this process we should have a big fuckin list of hot chicks with a score by their name, we take the top 48 chicks off this list(with the 16 from above, we have a total of 64 now), put them into a box, have Hetty wet the tip of his babies arm and drop it in there, pulling out one name at a time and placing that name into our bracket at a predetermined order.

I have said it, and so it shall be done. My excel abilities are available for a small fee.-SEAL

STETTY'S TOP 16: In no particular order

1.*** Alessandra Ambrosio
2. Kate Beckinsale
3. Scarlett Johansson
4. Faith Hill
5. Adrianna Lima
6. Jaime Presley
7. Brooke Burke
8. Christina Millian
9. Rihanna
10. Vanessa Marcil
11. Elisha Cuthbert
12. Jessica Alba
13. Kelly Monaco
14. Charlize Theron
15. Keira Knightley
16. Stacey Keibler

We'll work on the at large bids later. First everyone needs to post their top 16.

On another note, Grego came by the house the other night and was really tired. I told him to just go into the other room and lay down for a while. He agreed. He looked so peaceful that I had to go ahead and take a picture of him napping.

F&@K YEAH!

2006-05-08T10:11:00.001-05:00

figured out blog---f&@ked up 1st one---won't happen again---clarification needed on shizzle chick---repeat---clarification needed!---foxtrot out

I Hate The Spurs

2006-05-07T20:29:00.000-05:00

In 30 seconds, this is why Alba is #1. Bring it.

I hate the Spares. I hate Manu. I hate how Duncan whines every time he thinks he's fouled. I hate how Bowen is allowed to hand-check and no one else can breathe on Duncan. I hate everything about them.

I was disappointed with yesterday's game, not because we lost but because we had a clear chance to win it or at least tie and we never gave ourselves an opportunity. Game 2 will be different.

Blue's Sweet 16

2006-05-06T11:46:00.000-05:00

1. Jessica Alba
2. Keira Knightley
3. Kate Beckensale
4. Gisele Bundchen
5. Elisha Cuthbert
6. Stacey Keibler
7. Adrianna Lima
8. Cobie Smulders
9. Eva Mendes
10. Jennifer Aniston
11. Nadine Velazquez
12. Kelly Monaco
13. Evangeline Lilly
14. Charisma Carpenter
15. Mandy Moore
16. Sarah Chalke

Okay, that's my list, it's taken some time, but maybe Hetty will stop the whining. If a lady is linked then simply google her name, I can't do all of the work.

This was a great post from The Boys Blog and I thought I should just link it, but I think everyone knows by now that if it's linked then no one will read it. It makes me think, what if Dallas really is going to revolutionize offense, no defense can keep up with two stud receivers and two stud tight ends:

"On Saturday no Cowboys pick caused more head scratching than the selection of TE in the second round. Pundits were uniformly impressed with Fasano’s skills, but wondered why a team already sporting Pro Bowler Jason Witten would identify tight end as a need? Much of the criticism the Cowboys received was based on the perception that Fasano is a luxury.

He isn’t. It’s not in Bill Parcells’ nature to be daring and experimental with his offense, but Fasano represents a possible evolution in the use of tight ends, one not yet seen in the NFL. If Dallas succeeds with its track-meet tight ends the team could change the way modern passing games play.

The two TE system as we know it has been around for about a generation. It started with Don Coryell and his high flying “Air Coryell” Chargers teams of the late ’70s and ’80s. One of the mad scientists on Coryell’s staff was a young running backs coach named Joe Gibbs, who took the system to Washington in 1981. As NFC East fans will tell you, the rest is history. The system became associated with Gibbs, who won three Super Bowls running it.

That said, neither Coryell or Gibbs ran the system Dallas teases in 2006. In San Diego, Coryell relied on the otherworldly skills of Hall of Famer Kellen Winslow. Winslow was one of the first great deep threats from the position. For his other tight end, however, Coryell was content to use utility men like Eric Seivers, who could block well but was not a threat as a receiver. In the Chargers’ most effective seasons Winslow would top 1,000 yards and triple the output of all the other San Diego TEs.

In Washington, Gibbs used his TEs as grinders. Don Warren was the most prolific Washington tight end of the glory ’80s but he never cracked 500 yards receiving. Gibbs used his receivers to stretch defenses vertically and when he wanted to put extreme pressure on a secondary he would use three WRs in his base packages.

No modern offense that I’m aware of utilized two tight ends with serious receiving skills. Every coach using two TEs remained faithful to the original Coryell philosophy that one TE was used primarily as a blocker while the other was used as a receiving threat.

A rules change in recent years has dared NFL offensive coordinators to rethink this approach. The league has cracked down on linebackers’ practice of riding TEs down the field, limiting contact in the center of the field as it is limited for cornerbacks on the perimeter. The new rules have produced an explosion in TE productivity. Antonio Gates and Tony Gonzalez have had seasons to rival quality WRs. Witten came an eyelash short of 1,000 receiving yards in 2004.

With analysts dubbing TE the new glamour position, it was only a matter of time before a team or teams put two TEs with legitimate receiving skills on the field for extended periods of time. What surprises many, I believe, is that Parcells is doing the innovating. Fasano won’t be used to spell Witten, nor will he serve in a platoon with FB Lousaka Polite, as blocking TE Dan Campbell did last season. Fasano will be a regular.

The possibilities of such a package are mouth watering. Jerry Jones offered a hint of what will come when he said the Cowboys planned to line up Fasano on the same side as Terrell Owens, while Witten would play next to Terry Glenn in balanced two-TE sets.

I asked a coach the benefits of this package and got this response,

I would imagine that the Cowboys are concerned that teams will roll their coverage to TO’s side. To put two dangerous options on the other side of the field leaves opponents with a no-win decision: leave both Witten and Glenn to work against the short-handed side or play a more straight-up coverage and try to contend with T.O., and we know what T.O. will typically do to straight coverage.

Of course, Witten will present the standard matchup nightmare in man-to-man or deep middle threat in cover two, and Glenn eats single coverage alive. Potentially exciting stuff. I submit that, based upon what Glenn did to single coverage last year, we may just have the best #2 receiver in the league next year (not to mention perhaps the best #1).

Glenn had the best yards-per-reception average for any receiver with more than 50 catches, averaging 18.3 yards per catch. Owens can also get deep. Witten showed deep speed in 2004 when Glenn was injured. The Cowboys relied on Witten to stretch defenses more than Keyshawn Johnson, who was playing with torn knee cartilage and Witten thrived.

Fasano isn’t regarded as a burner, but he’s all but guaranteed single coverage against linebackers in this scheme. He’s regarded as the best all around TE in the deep ‘06 college class, so he should have the skills to cause some damage. His learning curve will be shorter, since the Cowboys offense is similar to the scheme Fasano played at Notre Dame, under former Parcells assistant Charlie Weis.

If Fasano’s pro play even vaguely resembles his last season for the Irish, the only people left scratching their heads will be NFL defensive coordinators."

I'M DISAPPOINTED WITH THE PARTICIPATION LATELY ON THE K-TOWN SHIZZLE. THIS HAS GOT TO PICK UP AND I MEAN NOW!

2006-05-04T11:45:00.000-05:00

How can this succeed if you don't give it your all. You guys are better than this. Especially Puppy and SEAL. I'm very disappointed.

The blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice!

2006-05-01T10:00:00.000-05:00

Ok, I don't know what is taking so long to get this Shizzle Chick thing off the ground but we need to get rolling. My pants are in a constant uproar, and are going crazier than ever. Speaking of that, has anybody out there seen that new singer "Rihanna"? Wow, are you kidding me? I can't post any pictures of her at the moment but go to her myspace page and check her out.

www.myspace.com/rihanna

She is officially the hottest woman of color on the planet. Greg is going to love this! We all know about his inner yearning to be in the sack with an ebony goddess. And goddess she is. I have dibs and I'm in love. She is a dark Mrs. Spears (in her prime of course).

Enjoy, but not too much.

Star Light, Star Bright...

2006-04-25T11:01:00.000-05:00

WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM MARTY!!! I HATE YOU.

What a pathetic run these guys are making. Last nights game was probably the best hockey game I have ever seen from start to finish, AND WE LOST! The first game they looked like a youth hockey team the enitre time, then last night post 3 shots on goal in the first period. THREE!!!! Did anyone witness the fire they came out with in the second period. That was the funnest (if that's a word...it is now in Shizzle land) period of hockey I have ever seen. They dominated and showed why they are the 2nd seed. But that's one out of 6 and overtime. I've seen better periods played out in a menstrual cycle.

Down 0-2. Fun times. Marty giving up 5 goals a game in the series. Fun times. Going to Colorado for two games. PRICELESS!!! I still have faith in your Dallas Stars, I'm not giving up now. But if they do pull this out, it will be solely on us outscoring the Avs 7 to 6 because Marty couldn't stop a turtle from crawing into the net. He is the Peyton Manning of the NHL.

Favorite players: Jason Arnott and Stu Barnes
Players I'd most like to see burned alive: Marty Turco and Bill Guerin
Players I'd most like to see shot in the head: Marty Turco
Players I'd most like to see hit in the face with a screaming SEAL slapshot from the blue line: Marty Turco.

"What if they shot you in the face?" Yea, what if Bitch. We'd be better off.

"Manny, Manny, Manny"

Troy v. Roger

2006-04-23T08:12:00.000-05:00

Jay Novacek and Michael Irvin.

Herschel Walker.

Troy - Greggo spank material.

Troy.

Craig Miller - Chris says that he's my clone or I'm his clone.

Thursday night Chris, Greggo, Justin F. and myself went to a radio station flag football game (The Ticket) which pitted Troy, Jay, Michael and D. J. Johnston against Roger Staubach, Drew Pearson and Herschel Walker. The neatest thing about this event was how great these athletes still are and how they ran circles around the normal guys who were playing with them. Herschel was the best athlete there, despite not playing for 10 years. Troy could still throw a frickin laser 40 yards downfield and at the tender age of 62, Roger is still pretty damn good.

Funniest mentionable moment: The conversation was, if Greggo was playing, he'd demand to play center and demand that Troy get under his center.

I agree about having a top 16. I will send invites to Greggo and Dan again.

Keira - Quick Feet, Tenacious D, Perimeter Shot like Butter.

2006-04-19T16:59:00.000-05:00

Okay, we have everybody vote on their top 16 chicks from first to last. Then we score these groups all together based on their ranking in each committee members voting, thus the four girls with the lowest scores will be our number one seeds and the four girls with the next lowest scores will be our number two's, and so on. At the end of this we should have all our number 1 though number 4 seeds, which I believe are the most crucial. There will obviously be a bunch of girls that won't make it into the top 16 b/c everybody will not have the same girls in their top16 list, these girls will be dropped to the at large list, which I will now explain in the following paragraph.

In addition to the top 16 chicks ranking, everyone will also put out an at large list. It could be 20 more girls, it could be 48 girls, it could be 500 girls, whatever. We take all the girls listed and put them into an excel spreadsheet and give them a point everytime their name appears in a committee members at large list. At the end of this process we should have a big fuckin list of hot chicks with a score by their name, we take the top 48 chicks off this list(with the 16 from above, we have a total of 64 now), put them into a box, have Hetty wet the tip of his babies arm and drop it in there, pulling out one name at a time and placing that name into our bracket at a predetermined order.

I have said it, and so it shall be done. My excel abilities are available for a small fee.
-SEAL

Shizzle Chick 2006

2006-04-19T16:42:00.000-05:00

Ok, I say we do this to get it off center. We need to break this down to the top 64 first. I would say to leave this up to one person to post the first list. Then we can have a week to modify the list with chicks we left off that those of you think should be on. After that is concluded I say we just draw out of a hat for the matchups. 1-16 bracket, 17-32 bracket, and so on.

Lets get this going. I'm ready to dream.

Puppy, can you not just send the invites for Greg and whoever to my email address and let me just set them up. That is the problem with all of our friends. They are lazy and think it's hard. If I take it upon myself to set them all up and just give them their user name and password, I can get them to participate. I'll sacrifice like this for the good of the Shizzle, and the future Shizzle Chick of 2006.

Thank you to all of my fans.

I Don't Know What to Say

2006-04-11T20:53:00.000-05:00

This will be awesome.

By the way, for those of you who don't know Chris and Landy had a boy. Happy days.

I have sent an invite to Richie and I have re-invited Greggo. Next on my list is Dantastic.

I do plan on getting to the polls, but I figure we need a way to rank the current 64. We wouldn't want hottie #1 going up against hottie #2 in the first round, that's so unfair. So, I need suggestions as to how we plan on ranking the ladies.

Excellent Cowboys Blog mock draft:

I’ve been contacted to be the Cowboys “GM” in an internet mock draft to be held the 17th through the 21st. This year’s mock will only cover the first round. Trades will be allowed.

Here’s my philosophy going in (your feedback is appreciated): I’m going to act in the way I think the team will. That means no trading up, all you Vernon Davis and Michael Huff fans. (I don’t think Huff is worth a trade up anyway, to be perfectly honest.)

My short list of positional needs is: OLB, OG, FS, OT, NT in roughly that order. That winnows my list of options for the 18th pick considerably:

1. OLB — there are three possible first round options, IMO. Florida State’s Kamerion Wimbley, Ohio State’s Bobby Carpenter and N.C. State’s Manny Lawson, though the most recent mocks are putting Lawson at the very top of round two;

2. OG — There are no guards with first round grades this year;

3. FS — There are some safeties getting first round grades and I would consider Ohio State’s Donte Whitner at this spot. That said, the Cowboys have big money in Anthony Henry. Terence Newman and Roy Williams are due big new contracts soon. Selecting a FS at 18 would mean that Dallas has gone with a D-back in three of the last four first rounds. Consider: ‘02- Roy Williams; ‘03 - Newman; ‘04 - no 1st rounder; ‘05 - Demarcus Ware and Marcus Spears;

That’s a lot of cap room to put at one position. While I’ll consider it, I’m not leaning that way.

4. OT — There are only two OTs worthy of the 18th — D’Brickashaw Ferguson and Winston Justice. Ferguson will go in the top five. Justice might slide, but I can’t see him getting past Miami at 16. I’ll take him if he’s there, however.

5. NT — There is no NT worthy of the 18th pick, unless Haloti Ngata falls. I’ll be shocked if he gets past Cleveland at 12th.

Here’s my thinking of how the first 17 picks will go:

A trade between NFC South rivals could shake up the top of this year’s draft board. The Saints shipped LT Wayne Gandy to Atlanta for safety Brian Scott and a draft pick.

Houston — Reggie Bush, RB, USC
New Orleans or Jets — Matt Leinart, QB, USC. N.O. is frequently linked with DE Mario Williams. But how certain are they that Drew Brees’ shoulder is sound? The Saints are hoping somebody jumps to two and the Jets seem like the most likely prospect. In the end, the Saints might stay here. Either way, I see Leinart going here.
Tennessee — Vince Young, QB, Texas The rumors that he’ll drop started with the Wonderlic leak. He’s a QB and QBs rise. Titans owner Bud Adams also decided to pick a fight with Steve McNair, so it’s certain the Titans take a QB here.
Jets or Saints — D’Brickashaw Ferguson, OT, Virginia — the Jets could use him as a cornerstone tackle if they don’t get Leinart. The Saints need a LT after losing Gandy and LeCharles Bentley to free agency. It doesn’t matter which team, he’s going here.
Green Bay — Mario Williams, DE, N.C. State; That cry you hear is Packers GM Ted Thompson, who loves Williams. He was scared the Saints would take him but now he’s doing the happy dance. Williams has prototype Reggie White size (6′6″, 290 lbs) and rushing skill to burn. DC Jim Bates worked miracles last year, but he has very little talent on hand;
San Francisco — Vernon Davis, TE, Maryland; The 49ers also like Michael Huff, from what I’ve read, but how do you pass up a TE who runs like a WR? A fast WR. Eric Johnson can’t stay healthy and the ‘Niners just traded Brandon Lloyd to Washington. Alex Smith needs playmakers. Snatching Davis from Al Davis’ clutches would also feel good;
Oakland — A.J. Hawk, LB, Ohio State; There is a lot of speculation the Raiders could take a QB. And Jay Cutler will tempt them. But the Raiders have no linebackers on their squad. Hawk makes too much sense.
Buffalo — Winston Justice, OT, USC; Justice raised his stock after his Pro Day workouts and fits one of Buffalo’s needs nicely;
Detroit — Michael Huff, DB, Texas; Does Matt Millen take Jay Cutler here? Cutler would be the prototype Mike Martz QB, a pocket passer with guts and a gun. In the end, I’m giving Detroit a defensive player. New HC Rod Marinelli was a d-line coach and I’m sure he’s reminded Millen that he’s gone offense crazy with his past few drafts.
Arizona — Jay Cutler, QB, Vanderbilt; This pick will be the last of the QBs. Dennis Green will be very happy. His QB cupboard consists of Kurt Warner. Here’s his future.
St. Louis — Jimmy Williams, CB, Virginia Tech; the Rams have spent wisely in free agency, nabbing LaRoi Glover, Will Witherspoon and Corey Chavous to bolster a weak defense. The Rams could use a big plugger to replace Ryan Pickett, so Ngata and Brodrick Bunkley could get some attention. In the end, I think they address cornerback, where the talent level is thin;
Cleveland — Haloti Ngata, NT, Oregon; A big smile for Romeo Crennell, who lands the anchor to his 3-4 scheme;
Baltimore — Brodrick Bunkley, DT, Florida State; There is speculation Bunkley will go as high as eight, to Buffalo. If that’s true, then Winston Justice will go here.
Philadelphia — Chad Greenway, OLB, Iowa; Don’t be surprised if the Eagles take Ernie Sims here. They need linebacking help badly;
Denver — Chad Jackson, WR, Florida, Denver feels it’s only one to two players away from the Super Bowl. It has two number one picks. The Broncos want playmakers on offense and a pass rusher. I’ve gotten into a back and forth with ThePalisades over LenDale White at this spot, but I think his poor workout lets Denver take him with their 22nd overall pick. Here, they get their pick of the WR class;
Miami — Kamerion Wimbley, OLB, Florida State; The Cowboys decision will be determined in great part by the Dolphins. There is a very good chance Wimbley could fall beyond Miami; I’ve heard through the grapevine that they are impressed with Donte Whitner. My guess is that they take Wimbley.
Minnesota — Ernie Sims, OLB, Florida State; The Vikings will either take Sims or the RB at the top of their board;
Dallas — If the draft goes this way, I’ll consider trading down, but the guy I would want here is Bobby Carpenter. And since I can’t be certain that New England won’t nab him at 21 — and since this is only a first round mock, so getting a good points deal on a trade down doesn’t really matter — I’m inclined to take him here.

Tila Tequila

2006-04-07T11:55:00.000-05:00

I'm sure everyone has heard of her, but have you seen pictures of her? She has this myspace site that will make you pants go crazy. And Seal should enjoy that since he is all myspaced gay. I think she is like a low level rockstar, but her looks are anything but low level.

Check her out here.

Also, we need to work on our lists for K-Town Shizzles hottest chicks. I'll throw some names out there just off the top of my head to start out. We need to compile these names and come up with the official Shizzle-chick. Let's work on this, IT'S IMPORTANT!

In no particular order:

1. Scarlett Johansson
1. Kate Beckinsale
1. Jaime Presley
1. That blond Mavs dancer
1. The girl I saw at the Crandall gas station the other day
1. Faith Hill (classic beaut)
1. The old Britney Spears
1. The beaner from "My Name is Earl"
1. The obvious' Carmen and Pam
1. Adrianna Lima (who is still a virg)
1. Alessandra Ambrosio (MY #1 by far)
1. The blond from Nip Tuck (I suck w/ names)
1. Cody's mom
1. Seth's dad
1. The PR girl for the Stars (you remember)
1. J Lo
1. Diane Lane
1. Christina Milian

There are so many more but I need help and my pants are getting a little too big right now. Hopefully I can add a couple photos to this very shortly. I say we make a bracket of 64, vote on every match up and the best chick wins. First we need to seed the field. Get to work.

Ok, here is some more. We will have to widdle this down to the top 64. Seth, help me come up with something for this so we can pit these women against each other and vote. I think only those on the blog should be able to vote on each match. Maybe run each round for a week or something. We have some work to do. I Love you.

Vanessa Marcil (love her)
Amanda Bynes
Hilary Duff
Gabrielle Union
Heather Graham
Rachel Bilson
Molly Sims
Melania Knauss
Catherine Zeta Jones
Jennifer Garner
Jennifer Esposito
Leann Tweeden
Rachel Stevens (wonderful)
Mandy Moore
Katherine Heigl
Megan Fox
Bridget Moynahan
Ciara (I'm in)
Jennifer Love Hewitt
Denise Richards
Torrie Wilson
Elisha Cuthbert (yes)
Cody's Mom
Eva Mendes
Salma Hayek (Puppy Dog, you hear me)
Gisele Bundchen
Jennifer Aniston
Naomi Watts
Sofia Vergara
Elsa Benitez
Keira Knightley (Yep)
Kate Bosworth (Yep)
Kelly Brook
Cody's Mom
Brook Burke
Shania Twain
Evangeline Lilly
Rebecca Romijn-Stamos
Aishwarya Rai (check her out)
Veronika Verakova
Haita Wehbe
Beyonce (what up)
Jessica Alba (one of the best)
Sienna Miller (another one of the best)
Seth's Dad
Jennifer Hawkins
Marisa Miller
Monica Bellucci
Petra Nemcova
Josie Moran
Lindsay Lohan (overrated)
Halle Berry
Cody's Mom
Kelly Monaco (wonderful)
Jessica Simpson
Heidi Klum
Eva Longoria (overrated)
Natalie Portman
Amerie
Jessica Biel
Charlize Theron (in my top five)
Maria Menounos
Angelina Jolie

Napoleon Dynamite Dance Scene

2006-04-04T22:00:00.000-05:00

Delta Force

2006-03-31T10:05:00.000-06:00

So, my neighbor and one of my good friends - Jim (also the guy I'm going to Australia with in May) is the Technical Director for the myspace.com website. If you realize how huge myspace is right now, you know that Jim has done quite well for himself. Anyway, last week, guess who shows up at their offices in Santa Monica??? Yep, the devil himself, Chuck Norris!! He wanted to have a meeting with them b/c he was thinking about suing due to the thousands of fake Chuck Norris profiles that say he eats children and kills everything he comes in contact with, etc. (don't run away from your feelings Chuck, the truth hurts)
Long story short, Jim got to chat with him AND take a picture as seen here. I would kill any one of you to have a picture like this.

Also, if you're looking for a good laugh, check out my myspace account at http://www.myspace.com/codylane

Heat Vision

2006-03-27T20:28:00.000-06:00

If you have 30 minutes to waste this could be funny. Heat Vision was a pilot and the best way to think about this is Knight Rider. Jack Black plays a David Hasselhoff type character and the motorcycle is the voice of Owen Wilson with super-powers. I haven't yet watched all of it, but I plan on doing so.

The "Other" Star

2006-03-26T12:57:00.000-06:00

The Real Chuck Norris Reading Chuck Norris Facts

2006-03-26T07:50:00.000-06:00

Bigfoot takes pictures of Chuck Norris

2006-03-24T11:15:00.000-06:00

Chuck Norris is a stunt double for Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris can dribble a football.
Chuck Norris’ IQ can be expressed simply as a sideways eight
When Chuck Norris throws a boomerang, the boomerang does not return because it is scared to come back
When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways
Chuck Norris sneezes electricity
Chuck Norris once played 18 holes of golf using a 12 inch strip of rebar and a sun dried tomato. He shot a 54.
Chuck Norris does not love Raymond
When Chuck Norris wants popcorn, he breathes on Nebraska
Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.
Chuck Norris IS RIGHT BEHIND YOU

Snap this Bitches!

2006-03-24T09:06:00.000-06:00

Go Mean Green!

Snap Again!

2006-03-23T21:00:00.000-06:00

Red Raider News.

Oh Snap!

2006-03-23T20:27:00.000-06:00

JDiddy Part II

2006-03-23T13:58:00.000-06:00

Yo bark was loud but yo bite wudn't vicious, and that post you were kicking was quite bootylicious! Love seeing the Diddy get involved. Although he's kind of like Zoro, only leaving his mark. Of course he will never be to the blogging level that any of us are, but this step was huge. I think we can teach him, learn him, listen to him. With our help he could blend in quite well. In the words of Mr. Longacre he was "Justin-time". I was beginning to think we had blogged ourselves right out of these friendships, but JD was able to look past that and get involved. Keep working JDiddy. You are an inspiration to us all.

JDiddy

2006-03-22T11:37:00.000-06:00

Ahh, the JDiddy, the JD, the Davis, the womanizer, the athlete, the coach, the perfect specimen of a man.
I remember the events that lead up to JD shooting up the charts on my small nitch of humans I call Team Shizzle. The story is simple really, yet profound. It starts and ends like most stories compiled over my short time on this revolving globe we call Nepton 6, or Earth, depending on your preference. By that I mean - Luckenbach. The dates, and specific years have fallen from my mind, but the memory is clear. It was one of the hot months when a small recon team made a little trip down South to the Holy Land, the Mecha, the ALAH to my temple, or something, yea, the Luckenbach. That team consisted of the Storm, the Claw, the Great White Armadillo Killer, and the Diddy of J.
Many memories were made that weekend, most of which included small animals or "varmits", low caliber fire arms, a vehicle known only as the Scout, and my friends Barley and Hops. The events that took place that trip can only be known by those who participated, and by those who have seen the greatness of the pictures or "photos" that were left behind. Photos of men using animal props to create the illusion of images from our savage drunken indian ancestors. Men who used the pelts of cougars and turkey feathers to either provide warmth or to camouflage them in the hopes of getting closer to the wild animals they killed and consumed for their vital nutrients. Besides that, we got shit-canned drunk.
That's how I will always remember the JDizzle, you have your stories, and, yes, the Storm has his. That's when I learned that our beloved J to the Dizzlewizzle had a hunger, or some would call it a thurst, to wipe the Earth clean of all it's infestation of jackrabbits, armadillos, and anything that happen to move that wasn't inside the shelter of the Scout. This is a man I respect, a man whose values are in line with the Storm's core ideals, and yet he's also a man I fear, and often run from in my dreams. His bite is hard, like that of a raccoon being awoken from a mid summer nights slumber, his firearm usage is excessive, like that of the vice president, his masculinity resembles that of a majestic bull elk. He has no equal, no adequate competition, the food chain ends with him. At mention of his name, Chuck Norris starts to cry and then shits his pants.

Sorry I didn't mention you on the previous post JD.

2006-03-22T11:08:00.000-06:00

We are the Fighting Friars hear us pray!!

How Many Games

2006-03-21T19:10:00.000-06:00

Okay, the T-Storm is calling everyone out. Do something.

Despite everyone else's feelings, the Cowboys have upgraded their talent. Taking personalities aside and looking at it from a pure talent standpoint the Cowboys are more talented. Yes, they've lost Glover and Campbell, but that's not huge. They have signed Fabini, Owens, Koiser, Ayodele, and Boiman. That's not bad. I think they're better and I will echo what Stetty has said, if Bledsoe gets hurt it's going to be a long year, a very long year. So here goes, given the upgrade in talent how many games do they win (I know that schedules are not out yet, but I still think they have increased their talent ahead of Philly (no receivers) Washington (no quarterback) and NY (have they done anything?)).

The Boys Blog has an awesome overview going into the draft.

To answer Waterseal, I really haven't been up to much. I took two days off last week, the first vacation since the old honeymoon. Work is work, nothing to complain about and I just keep chugging along.

Drama.

2006-03-21T10:57:00.000-06:00

Since this is supposed to really be about documenting the Days Of Our Lives Kaufman Texas style, how bout a little status on what yall are up to???? Some hints....

Hetty, any news on the baby front, isn't that sucker supposed to be showin up soon?

Grego texted me that he's engaged, there's got to be some funny shit associated with how that worked out?? I'm mean, Hetty, that's your sister man?

Chuck, how are you doing with whatever it is YOU do? Old man give you his business yet?

Have you checked out Stephen/Ashley's blogsite? Apparently there's a lot more to Stretch than I'd ever imagined. I love that guy, awesome washer partner.

Bullet, what happened to you man, haven't seen or heard from you in ages. My pop said they were about to do a good size job with ol' VistaWall and the owner ran outta money or something. I told him it was really your fault, he said something about killing you, I dunno, I wasn't listening.

As far as me, I made a trip to the ER sat night for a few stitches brought on by drunkin table diving. Not unlike the dives I made in Stretch's shop the other night after our washer victories. Now I have a nice scar to remind me of the night A&M lost on an NBA three with 3 seconds left.
Our Manhattan Beach/Hermosa Beach Chili Cook Off is this sat if anyone wants to get a last minute flight out here. There were about 400 people last year in two backyards. I got second place. My boy Nick Balke from my A&M days is flying out for it. Gonna be the tits!

Whys isn't J-5 on this thing? Why doesn't anybody else post anything besides the hetty/chuck/storm show? These are computers people and this is the i-n-t-e-r-n-e-t, get to it.

2006-03-20T17:43:00.000-06:00

T.O. Comes to Dallas

2006-03-19T14:00:00.000-06:00

3 Year Contract?

2006-03-17T08:49:00.000-06:00

So the rumor is the Cowboys have a 3 year deal done with T.O. Does anyone remember last season when I called this as soon as the Eagles deactivated him? I remember Grego calling me crazy and that we would never do that. Don't look now but T.O. will soon be standing at the star again, only this time he'll be in a Cowboy uniform. Everyone will forget about his attitude as soon as he scores that first touchdown. Bring it on, who cares. If your gonna go for it this year, you need him...and all of his baggage. If you bleed blue, you will embrace the wonderful T.O. and nurture him. He is part of you now, ACT LIKE IT.

Video Pick of the Week: Kenny Loggins' Danger Zone

2006-03-15T20:37:00.000-06:00

Eiffel Tower

2006-03-15T20:13:00.000-06:00

I know that we're all upset about the potential T.O. signing, but realistically I think the masses may be a little bit off. Don't get me wrong, I can't T.O. as much as anyone, however, and I think Seinfeld said it best, we're all just cheering for laundry. I remember when Dallas signed Deion and I hated the prospect of him coming to Dallas (this by the way is in no way intended to be a comparison between T.O. and Deion, but at the time I didn't like him at all) and it soured me on the Cowboys in general. But after the Cowboys won the Superbowl, what did I care, I was cheering for the laundry and not the players per se. Since Parcells' second year I haven't liked him at all, he seems to be just an average coach or rather, I don't know what makes him so great. I can't wait for the day that someone else comes into to town with some different ideas, but despite my dislike for him, I'm not going to stop cheering, it's a part of the game. It's also a pretty good reason why we should all be saving our duckets so that we can purchase the Cowboys in 20 years. By that time Stephen and Jr. will have completely run the team into the ground.

Blogging the Boys with other Cowboy news.

Cowboys Blog has other good tidbits.

Peter King is pretty good.

Victoria's Secret model is apparently a grirgin.

Hungry?

2006-03-15T12:52:00.000-06:00

Going T.O. the Superbowl?

2006-03-15T09:55:00.000-06:00

I have to agree, and I've said it for weeks now that they had this planned all along. And releasing Keyshawn is the first step. None of us will ever forget the whole "star" incident but George Teague did make him think twice. The Cowboys have done absolutely nothing in free agency. We had big hopes with all of this cap money and haven't done a damn thing. Not to mention that we are missing out on the kicker sweepstakes. Adam V. will stay in New England and Mike V. will go to the fins so our best bet at the moment is signing O. Mare when the fins release him. I don't get it. And the fact that we lost our defensive and offensive locker room leaders, and are even considering bringing in the wonderful locker room presence of a T.O. just baffles the hell out of me.

You've got the big magnificent Tuna for one or two more years before he hangs it up. The only thing that I can think of is that this is his way of making a run NOW. And they think that T.O. is the quickest way to get them close. Look, he has to behave for the next couple of years or he'll miss out on that big contract that's coming next so I don't see it as a huge risk. It's just getting past the fact that we all hated him as much as we hated Karl Malone. In the shape they are in now, they need him. If they miss out on T.O. they are in pitiful shape at wide receiver. AND WHY ARE WE NOT TRYING TO SIGN A BACKUP QUARTERBACK? T.O. won't help if Bledsoe goes down and we have no one to get him the ball.

Now, the boys are in a position where they are now going to HAVE to over pay for T.O. They need him now. If they miss this, everyone pray that they can persuade the Packers in taking a #3 draft pick for Javon Walker. I know Moulds is supposedly in the loop but he's done. And does anyone think that Moulds is an upgrade from Keyshawn? If this is what happens, they should have just kept Keyshawn. Which I think they should have done anyway.

We always complain about the turnover rate in the NFL. And the year that the Cowboys don't make any moves we rip them for not doing anything. That's just being a fan. I absolutely hate that they have been so quiet but maybe it's for the best. I would have almost rather gone into next season with the same squad then to try it with what is going to transpire now. As true fans, we will welcome T.O. with open arms and as soon as he scores that first touchdown in Texas Stadium and goes out to the star again (which will happen if he becomes a Cowboy). We will all be on board. There is no denying his talent and if anyone can tame him just a little bit it would be the glorified gym teacher Tuna. If your going to make a push this year, you need him. But you need a lot more at other positions also.

Anyone who is trying to figure out the mentality of Jerry Jones, good luck. I don't think he even knows what he is doing. He's just enamored with T.O., the guy that will sell him tickets and bring more media attention.

Frustrating.

VD

2006-03-15T02:14:00.000-06:00

What is the world coming to if we hook up with TO. I hate TO as a human being and as a player to say the very least. Everytime I see him on tv I hope that his head will explode or that someone will shoot him. I hope he never plays football again, I hope I never see his face again, I hope he stabs himself with a sharpie, I hope he invests all his money in VHS tapes, I hope he gets genital warts from a hooker named Trixie.
The man spiked the ball on the star at Texas Stadium. Now we're going to suit him up in the blue and silver?? Fuck that mothafucker, I hope he sleeps with some of Magic Johnson's old girlfriends.

T.O. and Stuff

2006-03-14T20:20:00.000-06:00

Why did the T-Storm take down his latest blog post? I am waiting patiently for an answer. Cody, I don't want to quit you.

For some reason I can't post pictures, so it will be a pictureless blog tonight.

The Cowboys are about to do the unthinkable and sign T.O. and the Boys Blog is all over it.

And there are other rumors out there that they might be after FS Chris Hope and WR Eric Moulds.

I've always loved this time of year, the time when there is always hope, unless it's your team. Greggo voiced that he was more concerned about the offensive line and not about getting T.O. and I second that opinion. We all know that teams must build from the bottom up and the Cowboys' lines need upgrades, and I don't mean signing that guy from Detroit. We gave up two draft picks for Fujita and so the draft pickings better be really good, otherwise we could be in for a long season. I hate to say it, but I think that by signing Vinitieri it could salvage quite a bit of things from this off-season. The other thing is that I'm not sure who's really out there that's good (i.e. my lack of knowledge of players).

Excellent Ranger update from Lonestar Ball, w/ all of the appropriate links.

2006 NFL Draft

2006-03-09T16:59:00.000-06:00

You know, I was thinking. The Cowboys are serious about making a run this year. There's no question. But I haven't heard a single thing about suring up the quarterback position. Is everyone out there ok with Tony Romo taking the reigns? Scares the crap out of me. For as much as Bledsoe is on his ass, we were very fortunate last year that disaster didn't strike more than once. I don't think we should draft anyone but whats wrong with picking up a Brian Griese, a Jeff Garcia, or a Fiedler on the roof? Just wondering why not a single QB is mentioned when talking about the Cowboy's free agency plans.

Draft rankings as of today. Agree or Disagree?

1. Reggie Bush Jr. RB USC
2. D'Brickashaw Ferguson Sr. OT Virginia
3. Matt Leinart Sr. QB USC
4. Vince Young Jr. QB Texas
5. Mario Williams Jr. DE N.C. State
6. A.J. Hawk Sr. OLB Ohio State
7. Jimmy Williams Sr. DC Virginia Tech
8. Michael Huff Sr. DB Texas
9. Jay Cutler Sr. QB Vanderbilt
10. DeAngelo Williams Sr. RB Memphis
11. Vernon Davis Jr. TE Maryland
12. Chad Greenway Sr. OLB Iowa
13. Haloti Ngata Jr. DT Oregon
14. LenDale White Jr. RB USC
15. Santonio Holmes Jr. WR Ohio State
16. Winston Justice Jr. OT USC
17. Laurence Maroney Sr. RB Minnesota
18. Tamba Hali Sr. DE Penn State
19. Demeco Ryans Sr. OLB Alabama
20. Chad Jackson Jr. WR Florida
21. Tye Hill Sr. DC Clemson
22. Leonard Pope Jr. TE Georgia
23. Ernie Sims Jr. OLB Florida St.
24. Ashton Youboty Jr. DC Ohio State
25. Gabe Wilson Sr. DT Michigan
26. Mathias Kiwanuka Sr. DE B.C.
27. Sinorice Moss Sr. WR Miami-Fla.
28. Marcus McNeill Sr. OT Auburn
29. Nick Mangold Sr. OC Ohio State
30. Bobby Carpenter Sr. OLB Ohio State
31. Brodrick Bunkley Sr. DT Florida State
32. Darryl Tapp Sr. DE Virginia Tech

Fantasy Discussion

2006-03-08T20:13:00.000-06:00

Jake is drunk, or I think he is.

As you are well aware, the free agency period is set to begin and the the NFL Draft is right around the corner. There are some fantasy leagues which only draft rookies called Dynasty Drafts and you keep all of the other veterans on your roster. I am NOT suggesting that we do this, but I thought that we could get started discussing some fantasy players who might have an impact. This list of players is from my favorite fantasy website (which I will not disclose) and the comments are from this site as well. Personally, I think Bush is the only no-brainer right now.

"1. Reggie Bush, RB, USC - Believe the hype. Marshall Faulk with a 5th gear. He will be the centerpiece of the offense wherever he ends up.

2. DeAngelo Williams, RB, Memphis - Cemented his franchise RB status with a near spotless week at the Senior Bowl. Some questions about his ability to run inside, but looks like a natural feature back in all other aspects of his game.

3. LenDale White, RB, USC - One of the best north-south RB prospects in a long time. Situation could vault him over Williams. If he ends up on a winning team, 20+ TDs is not out of the question.

4. Laurence Maroney, RB, Minnesota - Could end up with the best situation of the top 4 RBs. Word out of his camp is that his 40 time will surprise at the combine.

5. Vince Young, QB, Texas - Great runner at QB, but not a run-first QB. Should be top 10 at worst, with top 3-5 upside. Even if he completely busts as a QB, he will be an elite NFL WR.

6. Brian Calhoun, RB, Wisconsin - Burner who runs tough for a little guy. Like Maroney, could end up in best immediate situation. Probably not a true feature back, but could definitely be a Dunn/Garner type for fantasy.

7. Santonio Holmes, WR, Ohio St - Speedy WR who also can play physical. Surest thing at WR in the draft, but lacks unlimited upside of elite prospects in previous years.

8. Matt Leinart, QB, USC - Lacks the big arm and running ability to break the elite tier of fantasy QBs, but will be a solid starting fantasy QB (See: Brees, Pennington) at worst.

9. Chad Jackson, WR, Florida - Has the size/speed combo to be a true #1. Biggest upside of any WR in this draft."

Please note that Jay Cutler is not included in this list.

Linky:

Joe Rogan of Fear Factor goes on a myspace battle.

Ranger Notes

2006-03-08T08:10:00.000-06:00

As I’ve said too many times before, Drew Edward Meyer is a ballplayer in the best sense of the word. He’s not the guy who will deliver the big homer, but he will do all of the little things that, over time, separate the winners from the losers. Yesterday, Meyer did both: he delivered the long ball and did the little things that win games.

After belting an eighth inning solo shot for his first hit of the spring, Meyer came up again in the ninth and delivered a sac fly to right field to plate Ian Kinsler for what would turn out to be the game winning run.

It was another outstanding day at the office for Kinsler, who appears to be making a joke of the "competition" for the starting second base job: 1-2 with a double bringing him to .375 / .643 / .875 through 14 plate appearances. Star-Telegram writer Kat O’Brien adds that Kinsler also impressed defens! ively, executing a bare hander on a slow roller to get a runner at first.

Jason Botts
drew a walk in a 0-1 effort and Ruddy Yan executed a key sac bunt in the ninth that moved Kinsler to third, setting up Meyer’s game winning sac fly. Yan also scored a run pinch-running for Mark DeRosa in the sixth.

Gerald Laird
(.429 / .429 / .714) may be the most underrated player in Surprise and possibly in the AL West. Not only did he go 2-3 with a triple, but he made two outstanding defensive plays, gunning down the only runner who dared him, making him 3-3 this spring, and making the play on a Juan Pierre bunt to lead off the Cubs first.

First baseman Nate Gold singled in his first at-bat of the spring and third baseman Travis Metcalf drew a walk in his only plate appearance.

Mixed results for Josh Rupe who is ! probably the current frontrunner for the fifth starter slot. Rupe worked a quick, 1-2-3 first and allowed one hit to Marquis Grissom in the third, but faced the minimum as Laird drilled Grissom attempting to steal second base. In the second, however, Rupe struggled, allowing three singles and a double in four consecutive at-bats as the Cubs got to him for a pair of runs. A DeRosa-Arias-Nevin double play stopped the bleeding.

Afterwards, pitching coach Mark Connor told reporters that Rupe was slow to make adjustments in the second, but righted himself in the third by doing a better job of mixing in breaking balls.

The DMN’s Richard Durrett had Rupe down for 25 strikes out of 41 pitches.

Wes Littleton
struggled, allowing two doubles and a run in the ninth, but earned the save nonetheless.

NOTES:

Vincent Sinisi stayed hot, belting a two-run homer for the Paisanos in yesterday's 10-0 WBC route of the Aussies. Sinisi, Italy's starting center fielder, also homered in Italy's exhibition game against Detroit over the weekend.

Reliever Marc LaMacchia, also on the Italy roster, didn't see action, but former Rangers farmhand Pete "Sock-the-Lillies" Zoccolillo drew two walks and scored twice in three trips for Italia.

Durrett points out in today’s DMN that the Rangers set the modern-era record for fewest sacrifices in a season with nine last year. They executed two in the ninth inning alone yesterday (Yan and Meyer).

A reminder that Kevin Goldstein, author of "Future Shock" for Baseball Prospectus will join us for a c! hat at newbergreport.com today at 2:00 p.m. Go the newbergreport.com home page, click on "Chat" (on the left side of the screen), and enter the room to participate in our live chat.

Check out Alan Eskew’s feature on John Danks at texasrangers.com. In our "Prospect Previews" I wrote at length that Danks’s direct and realisitic self-assessment as well as his drive to erase weaknesses from year to year is a big part of what sets him apart. Eskew captures that nicely in his feature.

Edison Volquez
gets the call this afternoon against Oakland’s Joe Blanton at Surprise Stadium.

Say what you want about Mark DeRosa, but remember this: yesterday, he told the Star-Telegram’s Kat O’Brien that it was a "no brainer" that Ian Kinsler could hit big league pitching and was ready defensively for a starting big league job: "I'm not campaigning for him; I want that job more than anybody. I just am not going to be a guy that's rooting against a teammate. That's not beneficial to anybody. ..." And you wonder why baseball people love this guy?

M.J. Hindman

newbergreport.com

Think You Know Everything?

2006-03-03T09:01:00.000-06:00

"Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand and "lollipop" with your right.

It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.

No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.

"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".

Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet.

The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes).

There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous

There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious."

TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.

All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill

A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.

A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.

A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.

A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.

A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second

A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

A snail can sleep for three years.

Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.

Almonds are a member of the peach family.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.

Butterflies taste with their feet.

Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about 10.

February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.

In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

If the population of China walked past you, 8 abreast, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.

If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at red lights.

Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.

On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag.

Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite!

Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.

The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.

The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.

The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.

There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.

There are more chickens than people in the world.

There's no Betty Rubble in the Flintstones Chewables Vitamins.

Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.

Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks; otherwise it will digest itself

Thursday Night Random Stuff

2006-03-02T20:19:00.000-06:00

I can't pass this up, here's A&M basketball player on the internet, shirtless, singing Total Eclipse of the Heart and Love Lifts Us Up (via Sturm).

Jessica Simpson is putting on a few.

Once again, good Cowboys/NFL news:

"The Cowboys released NT/DT LaRoi Glover this afternoon to better position themselves for the upcoming free agency season that begins Friday evening. Though Glover made the Pro Bowl for the fourth consecutive season as a Cowboy, he carried the largest salary on defense. That salary was not commensurate with his playing time; Glover became a rotation nose tackle in Dallas’ 3-4 scheme last year, sharing time with Jason Ferguson. Ferguson also had a large contract and the Cowboys obviously felt two large deals at nose tackle was a poor allocation of resources.

— In cap related news, Fox’ Jay Glazer reports that some team reps claim they’ve been kept in the dark on certain details of recent negotiations. This does not mean the players will cave on their bargaining position, but this is something NFLPA chief Gene Upshaw should address post haste if he wants to drive a hard bargain.

The union is asking for 60% of total revenues while the owners are offering 56.2%. This is a major, though not the sole obstacle to a new deal. The commissioner and owners claim the union is “overreaching” in its demands. I’ve seen similar complaints on this blog. However, this article states that in 2004, the salary cap represented 65% of defined league revenue.

And there’s the key term — defined league revenue. Under the current system, roughly $2 billion of the league’s $5.2 billion dollar pie is unshared. And this, as we have seen, is the issue tearing everybody apart. The new CBA was to have moved this $2 billion into the league’s equation — the union had managed to change the language to “total league revenue” meaning streams like luxury boxes, stadium naming rights fees and the like would be apportioned equally. In this context, it appears that the players will settle for a percentage halfway between the current 65% and the 56% the owners are offering.

In essense, there is roughly 40% of total league revenue that is not apportioned equally. The bigger market teams responsible for generating that revenue want to retain as much of it as possible. The NFLPA, according to this story, is trying to bargain in effect for itself and on behalf of some small market teams, with the claim of preserving competitive balance. We have not heard much on this but some owners felt the union should not involve itself in the owners internal business. The unanimous vote today to reject the union’s latest proposal shows that at least the owners agree on this.

Unfortunately, that appears to be all they agree upon."

And the Redskins are in cap trouble:

"The Washington Post today confirms what other reports have claimed — unless a new collective bargaining agreement is reached soon, the Redskins will be in salary cap purgatory.

The team is roughly $20 million over the anticipated $92 to 95 million cap. It is expected to release S Matt Bowen, CB Walt Harris, DT Brandon Noble, C Cory Raymer and K John Hall. WRs James Thrash and Taylor Jacobs and DE Reynaldo Wynn may also have to be cut.

Those moves would still leave Washington well over the cap limit. The team is trying to trade QB Patrick Ramsey to gain more cap relief. It will also have to rework the deals of RT Jon Jansen, OG Randy Thomas and QB Mark Brunell to get under the limit.

In many ways, the Redskins dilemma demonstrates the problems associated with trying to build a team through free agency. Of these players on the bubble Thomas, Brunell, Hall, Wynn, Thrash, Noble and Harris are all recent free agent signings."

Hassle-nutts is "Hooked on a Feeling"

2006-03-02T13:13:00.000-06:00

The genius of David continues to grow. Check this out, it's outstanding. One of his many talents.

Hasslehoff's #1 hit

Forever #1 in my book anyway.